Le Petit Mort
by Aurora Nights
Summary: Bella asks Edward a question on their wedding night, and he explodes. Fluffy. OOC, set during and after Breaking Dawn. Second chapter by request!
1. Chapter 1

The wedding was finally over. It had been very beautiful, very flowery, very...Alice. The cake had been cut, the dances had been danced, the bouquet tossed, the rice thrown. Edward and I were finally alone in the honeymoon suite of our hotel room in Seattle before our flight out to destination unknown (unknown to me, at least) in the morning.

I stepped out of the bathroom, carrying my toiletry bag, dressed in a lacy, silky ivory creation that revealed more than it covered (thanks, Alice). The lights in the room were dimmed and there were rose petals creating a trail that led to the enormous bed...and the marble god stretched out languidly on top.

Edward was wearing a pair of black silk pajama bottoms, contrasting with his alabaster skin. His golden eyes were half-closed as they gave me a smoldering, sensual 'come hither' look.

My breath caught and I forgot to breathe for a moment. I dropped my toiletry bag on the floor and walked slowly to the bed, my heart beating erratically as I slid onto the luxurious bedspread and into Edward's icy embrace.

He simply feasted his eyes upon me for a moment, raking his gaze down my body, then back up to my face. I wrapped my arms around his cold shoulders and our lips met. Kissing him with unbridled passion, I threw myself into his lap and felt something large, hard and cold press against my thigh.

I stopped kissing him.

Edward opened his eyes in surprise after I ceased my assault on him.

"Bella, love...is everything okay?"

I carefully slid _out_ of his lap and moved to the center of the bed, where I sat with my knees tucked underneath me.

"Bella...?" A note of alarm colored his velvet voice.

"Um...Edward..." I looked to the side. "You said that all the blood left in a newborn is used up about a year or so, right?"

"...yes..." Confusion crept into his voice.

"And you've been a vampire for ninety years, right?"

"...yes...Bella, what..?"

"So you have no blood left, right?"

"Right. Bella, what is this all about?" His voice sounded anxious now, as he pressed the back of his hand against my forehead, clearly checking for fever.

"Um...if you have no blood in you, then how..." I blushed. Edward lifted my chin and stared at my face, wondering if I had lost my marbles. I took a deep breath and stared directly into his eyes.

"...how is it possible for you to have an erection?"

Edward's hands fell from my face and his jaw dropped. He became perfectly still and statue-like. I stared at him, feeling my skin positively boiling. Suddenly he started vibrating, faster and faster, until he simply exploded.

I gasped, staring in shock at the marble shards scattered throughout the room like so many rose petals. Why did that happen? Was it that strange of a question? I gasped again, noticing the marble shards starting to move of their own volition towards each other, connecting up like some sort of bizarre stone-like play-doh. Leaning back against the bed, I sighed and decided to wait to see if Edward could completely pull himself back together before calling Carlisle.

Maybe he would know how it was possible.


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: Wow, holy crap, I got reviews! Entirely unexpected. The first chapter was rattling around in my head before Breaking Dawn was released, and after reading Breaking Dawn, I just had to write it. It was intended to be an OOC one-shot, but a second chapter was requested. It's not as good as the first, but by request.._

_BTW, "le petit mort" is French for "the little death", aka "orgasm" :)_

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Before too long, Edward had pulled himself together. As the last pieces were...fusing, I curled up under the covers and feigned sleep.

"Bella...what...happened...?" rasped Edward.

I pretended to rouse myself.

"Edward...? I'm so glad you're awake! I think you must have passed out or something! I couldn't wake you up at all!" I babbled, hoping that he would be so out of sorts that he wouldn't notice my bad acting.

Success. He was too busy shaking his head and rubbing his eyes to notice. I leaned against his chilly shoulder and rested my head against his jaw, gazing into his confused golden eyes. He responded with my favorite crooked smile, albeit slightly bewildered.

"That's never happened before...maybe it was an overload of sensation. The last thing I remember is you sitting on my lap..." His eyes turned to topaz fire as they trailed down over my scantily-clad form. His sweet breath made my head swim as he leaned forward to continue where we had left off. Who cared how or why now, when his icy hands were doing things to me that made me feverish with desire?

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Weeks later...

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I sat in Carlisle's office late one evening, while Edward was playing the piano for Renesmee.

"Carlisle...I have an odd question for you."

Carlisle looked up expectantly from the thick book he was leafing through.

"Um...how is it possible, once a vampire has used up the blood left in their system from their human days..._how is it possible for a vampire to get an erection?_" I rushed through, knowing that if it was still possible, my face would be flaming with embarassment. I heard a muffled hoot coming from where Emmett was playing his Xbox 360 one floor down. I snarled in his direction.

Carlisle looked briefly startled, then a clinical look appeared on his face. "Well, Bella, venom takes the place of blood in certain body systems of a vampire. For example, venom is used in place of a human's digestive acids, in place of saliva, in place of blood for...systems that still need blood. In this case, venom is what allows a vampire to become erect."

I pretended that the painting of Carlisle with the Volturi had my complete and utter attention. "Oh...okay."

I contemplated the painting for few moments longer as Carlisle went back to his book.

"Is it normal for a vampire to explode?"

There was a small thud as the book fell to the desk. "Why do you ask, Bella? Did something happen?"

Hesitating for a nanosecond, without meeting his gaze, I quietly gave Carlisle a bare-bones explanation of the start of our honeymoon. He laughed silently for a moment.

"I've only heard about this occurring very rarely...it's hypothesized that sometimes, when experiencing a great surprise, or when very worried, a vampire will just explode. Think of it like a wine glass shattering when being hit by high-frequency sound waves. The vampire is usually able to reassemble themself. No one knows exactly why this occurs. I believe that this phenomenon has appeared in some horror movies."

I nodded.

"Did you have any other questions, Bella? I'm happy to answer any others you may have.." Carlisle smiled at me.

I contemplated the dark forest from the windows of his office for a few minutes, then turned back to Carlisle.

"Is a vampire's semen made up of venom?"

Carlisle made a slight choking sound, Emmett chortled obscenely and there was the unmelodic sound of piano keys being smashed from downstairs.


End file.
